Caring for Elderly Parents
Posted: Sunday, February 25, 2007
by Iris Taub
The old expression "What goes around, comes around" comes to mind when we think about caring for elderly parents. Our parents care for us when we are children and there are circumstances where eventually we are now responsible for caring for them as they age and are now unable to care for themselves.
There are many choices that have to be made, some of which are very difficult. Do we have them live with us? Do we arrange for them to have nurses aides and sometimes live in help to care for them? Sometimes we are forced to look into nursing facilities, such as actual nursing homes or if they are still able to function normally, possibly an Assisted Living facility where they can basically live a normal life but now have the peace of mind of having nurses around in case of an emergency.
I had an elderly parent who was diagnosed with Alzheimers and also had other medical conditons that required around the clock attention. She had a home health care policy but it was only good for a couple of hours a day. She was not able to take care of herself at night and because of my own health issues it was not an option for her to live with us. Word of warning, if your parents want to apply and get a home health care policy, READ THE FINE PRINT VERY CAREFULLY, BETTER YET, GET AN ELDER ATTORNEY TO TRANSLATE THE TERMS AND CONDITONS OF THAT POLICY. Sometimes, the saleperson will not explain deductions and terms of these policies and these policies are very expensive and most people never get a chance to use them and those who need the services, later find out that they are not eligable for the type of care they thought they were getting.
We had a personal experience with an elderly Aunt who purchased a plan and assumed that if she needed services after being hospitalized that they would take care of her. What she did not realize is that according to her particular policy, she had a 100 day waiting period before the policy went into effect. Translation, that after she was discharged from a rehabilitaton facility for therapy of a fractured hip, her policy said she was responsible for paying for skilled care and even the aides out of pocket before the policy would kick in. Of course when you think about it, YOU NEED YOUR POLICY WHEN YOU ARE DISCHARGED FOR A SKILLED FACILITY OR HOSPITAL, NOT THREE MONTHS LATER! so the money that she paid into the policy which by the way cost her over $25,000 over the years was like throwing out her money. She is still trying to fight with the company to have someone come in a few hours a day. She lives alone and needed someone to help her shower, and get dressed. If my Aunt had taken that same money and invested it into a liquid CD, she would have had the money to hire the people she needed when she was discharged so I would not recommend taking out this kind of insurance.
I did a lot of research and visited many Assisted Living facilites to find the right one for my Mother. After visiting and checking references, I found the perfect one that was only 15 minutes away from where I lived. She had a studio that was down the hall from the nurses station and lived there for almost three years. Each year they would evaluate her conditon and as her disease progressed more care was needed. They made her feel comfortable and I had peace of mind knowing that she was in excellent hands. Her primary physician made monthly visits to her room and called me with progress reports. When she had a massive stroke last year at the age of 95, we decided that we would bring her back to her room and called in Hospice. Not only did Hospice make her last week comfortable but the nurses at Park Summit and all the members of that facility came into her room each day to see her. She died peacefully a week later in the comfort of her own room surrounded by people who truly cared for her.
So when and if you are confronted with the possibility of having to care for your elderly parents, remember there are many options to choose from. The difficult part is finding the right fit for both you and your parents.
Iris S.Taub
This Article has been viewed 1,593 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)While an excellent article, I find all these articles point to placing parents in facilities and few about Home Care Options. In my opinion it speaks a lot to our mentality these days. Under certain circumstances that is a necessity and you do not have any option. However, I take care of my aging mom at home. My mom is intelligent, healthy and has all her facilites. Her physical condition is that of an 80 year old although after 4 broken hips and a replacement she cannot walk and is limited to bed and an occassional wheelchair. When in and out of these care failities I had to arrive at varied hours of the day and night every day to insure her health and even then it slowy deteriorated. Why, because of the ratio of patients to staff. Now if your in a high priced home this problem is less. However, if your an average American family you get what you can afford. Many times these home do not have the staff and the food quality is of the "friendly" level. What does that mean? Well you should find out. I find no fault with Hospice who did excellent for my dad while we disputed the administration of Morphine at the doctors orders although he was not in pain or requested it. The real issue is conception and quality of life. As we age the clinical opinion deteriorates and we become a negative in many areas except the critical one LOVE. How many times at these so called Care facilites did I hear "shes old". I concur with everything that was mentioned and encourage if you have to you should cross every T and dot every I. Especially who gives Doctor care and your doctors visiting schedule, staff levels and who "actually" works hands on and is not just and administrator with a license who does not place their hands on the patient, medication, personal hygine, etc. I wrote a few on the topic a year or more ago. I will admit it is blunt and it is not as politically nice to warrent front page press. But it is the truth and you just may want to take a peak?Dear Robert, Your mother is truly blessed to have such a loving and caring son. You also mention that she is intelligent, healthy and has all her facilities. Try caring for a parent who has deteriorated to the point it takes three aides to hold her down just to bathe her, she is both physically and verbally abusive and you are dealing with complications of fibromyalgia and other medical conditions of your own and are lucky if you can take care of yourself let alone someone else.
You are correct and as I mentioned, there are situations that just can't be accomplished no matter what your intentions. When it reaches that point you have few to no alternatives. My point was not addressing those who do make that effort, my point was two fold a] some don't care b] when you do select a place for your love ones, that is the most difficult choice. Peole with funds always get the best options, those who struggle must be prudent. I sincerly hope your situation gets better. As my mom always says God is in control. Sincerely and respectfully, best wishes and hopes all works out.
PS, I too suffer from multiple physical problems and financial woe. Mom can be quite abusive at times even with her facilties and that in itself can be troubling to the soul. Yet, they tell me the one who gives the most receives the most. I know your pains first hand and regretfully no one else can know but those who do. They have no inkling at all.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.