Missing Mom and the Memories we shared!



Posted: Friday, May 06, 2011

by Iris Taub

Mother's Day is this Sunday and I always seem to reflect on a past that was sweet that I share with a very special person who didn't give birth to me, but opened her heart and accepted me as her own daughter and not her daughter-in-law!

Our relationship was so strong and loving that my own birth mother was jealous of the bond that was formed almost immediately from the time we met until the time she was taken from us almost six years ago from a massive stroke that lead to her death from complications a month later.   We shared that special bond for almost 39 years since I met her as a young teenager at the age of 14 and I was married to her son at the age of 21 until her death in August 2005.   Most people thought that I was her daughter because of this special bond and on the day she was admitted to the hospital, I stayed by her side with my daughter and young granddaughter daily to make sure that the hospital and their staff was attending to her every need.  Unfortunately, Mom suffered the stroke the day after the 4th of July and was not found until 24 hours later when she failed to show up at our daughter's house to watch our granddaughter.

Mom had spent a glorious 4th of July with us at a neighboring water park.  Little did we know that would be the last time we would have this beautiful woman laughing and talking and enjoying her great-granddaughter.  Although we talked every night we usually didn't talk during the day and she told us she had plans to meet her friends to go bowling the following day and would go out that evening as well .  Mom belonged to a bowling league but on that day, she apparently was getting ready to shower and had the stroke.  Her friends never questioned her absence and did not go by her house to check on her.  There is only a four and a half hour window between getting the medication necessary that made the difference between getting through this horrible turn of events and we still picture her lying helplessly on the bathroom floor for the entire day and night and when we didn't speak to her that Wednesday evening we assumed that she was still out with her friends since she had a very active social life and was always doing something.  She was suppose to be at our daughter's house every Thursday and when she didn't show up, our daughter called us in a panic and my husband had the only key to her condo and he went to the condo to check on her.  He found her barely moving in the bathroom and immediately called 911 and she was rushed to the hospital.  She couldn't speak, or move her right side but her expressive eyes tried their best to communicate to us, I am still here!

We fought with her primary care physician to do everything in his power to work with her but he told us that since she had signed a DNR, that the only thing they could do was transfer her to hospice and make her as comfortable as possible.  Once she was transferred we were heartbroken but a wonderful nurse noticed Mom trying to communicate to her by moving her fingers and told us to transfer her to another hospital for an evaluation.  We hired an ambulance and transferred her to a facility that ran numerous tests and they told us that they would transfer her to a nursing facility.  At that point, my daughter, granddaughter and I made it a point to be there daily and even though she tried to communicate she still couldn't speak but would lift her left arm and try to hug our granddaughter who was only 18 months old at the time.  She was Mom's special girl and proved to be the best medicine in her desperately trying to find her way back to us.  She struggled through hours of PT but couldn't swallow and after surgery to place a tube in her stomach for feedings, still failed to thrive and after a long battle for nearly a month, she died.

How do you say goodbye to a dear friend and confidant who showed you the gift of unconditional love and acceptance and always had my back. She was there to back me up with minor disagreements any young couple face when they are married,  to plan holidays and to share in our joys and the occasional bumps in the road and always had encouraging words that got us through the rough spots.

Every year since her death, we make it a point to remember her by going to the cemetery and say a prayer and although our granddaughter was only 19 months when she passed she still remembers Mammie and talks about her.  Luckily we have videos of past birthdays and special events where she can see and hear Mammie's sweet voice so her memory will always live on but celebrating Mother's Day without her is a bitter sweet day!

We would love to think she is our granddaughter's guardian angel and is looking out for her as well as everyone else in the family.

Life is so precious and many of us seem to take advantage of those we love and don't tell them nearly enough how much we love them and appreciate them.  We have learned to cherish each day and end each day with telling one another how much we care.

So this Mother's Day whether you are celebrating with your Mom, your wife, your sister, your daughter or any other special woman who has made a difference in your life, tell them and let them know how much you love them and appreciate their love and support.

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Iris S Taub

Parkland, Florida
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by David Tanguay
 357 days 6 hours ago.
186 fans.
A very good story you share with us Iris, thank you.
» left by Iris Taub from Parkland, Florida 357 days 4 hours ago.
Hi David,

Thank you for taking the time to read my article and respond to it. I cherish each year I had with Mom and Mother's Day is a rough holiday for my husband and I to get through without always wondering what if, but you can't change the past so we are grateful for her love while we had her here with us.

Iris
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