All My Children!
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2011
by Iris Taub
They say that we can pick our friends but not our family, and that quote can be interpreted in so many ways.
The truth of the matter is, or I should say in most cases, this quote might be true but sometimes we choose to follow that path rather than strengthen the ties of family.
None of us are perfect, we all have our flaws and even in friendship those flaws are evident but for some reason, some of us refuse to accept them in family members and will accept them in the friends we choose.
We start off simple, Mom, Dad, and then the children, those children grow up, marry and if they choose and are blessed, they will have children of their own.
We may have had control of our children when they were young but once they are adults,parents need to give them room to breathe and to spread their own wings and find their place in this world. That includes who they decide to share it with and as parents, even if we do not necessarily agree with those choices, we must be supportive and try to get to know them and develop some sort of relationship. It differs from family to family.
The term in-law can be a blessing or a curse depending on how those relationships are formed.
I was blessed to have been embraced by a Mom not a Mother-in-law who always treated me as one of her own and was my role model in developing a loving and more importantly a healthy relationship with my own daughter since the woman who gave birth to me and raised me was incapable of doing it due to several undiagnosed mental issues.
When our daughter married, I worried about her only because I realized as a grown woman, she was now out on her own, making her own decisions and I didn't want her to struggle the way her Dad and I did when we first started out. I think every parent struggles with those feelings of helplessness knowing that they have to allow their children to make mistakes and grow from those mistakes. As it turned out, her husband became another son to us and over the years has shown us how much he loves our daughter and his children. He might have been rough around the edges when they first met, but over the years, he has shown us that he is very family oriented. The two of them have formed the same strong union that her father and I have worked so hard to develop over the past 38 years and we know that they will always find a way to get through the rough spots just like we do even to this day.
Our son also married and was blessed with an instant family. His wife had a toddler son who he adopted shortly after their wedding. I was so thrilled to be an instant grandma and formed a strong bond with that sweet little boy who is now a freshman in High School and on a varsity football team playing against Juniors and Seniors. He now has a baby brother who is struggling with his Autism. Luckily he is attending a specialized school for Autism that hopefully will give him the opportunity to bloom and make his mark in the world.
Our daughter has two children as well that I have the pleasure of helping her with them on the days she works. I stay at her home since our granddaughter is in elementary school and her younger brother is a toddler. I alternate every Wednesday and stay with them every Thursday and Friday. The bond that I have formed with the two of them is a strong one and I can't imagine my life without being there for them on a regular basis to watch all the firsts that I was fortunate enough to have experienced with their mother and uncle.
I am not saying that we don't have our fill of ups and downs, of course we do. We are dealing with adult children but I have to realize this is their time, whether or not I agree with some of the decisions they make about their relationships or how to raise their children is their decision and I think that when you try and interfere in that situation, it not only complicates the situation but also puts a strain on any relationship you may or may not have with them.
So... I sometimes view my life as a soup opera, lots of drama but lots of excitement as well. I have to admit, things are never dull in our family. We have our share of joy and sadness but I would also like to think that in a time of crisis even with our individual evaluations on how we think and act, that we can put all that aside and support one another!
I think that if everyone would take the time and effort into understanding family and the differences that we all have with the same energy that they seem to put into their personal friendships, that we can finally take the dysfunction out of Family!
Iris S. Taub
Parkland, Florida
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Good article Iris, thanks for sharing your views.Thank you !
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